正午惡魔:第二章.崩潰

2020-07-22
43:07
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#depression#正午惡魔

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- [[https://www.kktv.me/titles/00000410][靈魂修繕工 | KKTV]]
- [[https://www.linetv.tw/drama/11214/eps/1][靈魂修繕工|LINE TV]]
- 作者開心快樂的童年
- 有趣的大學生活
- "當你陷入重度憂鬱時,你會回頭尋找問題的根源。你很熟悉憂鬱究竟從何而至,是否一直在那兒,只是潛伏在表面下。"
- 成人的存在焦慮儘管可能痛苦不安,通常帶有一種反諷的自覺。第一次發現人的脆弱,第一次領會到生命有限,都是令人震撼的強烈衝擊。
- 大四在歐洲旅行的莫名崩潰
- 25歲,母親生病。「如果母親沒有生病,我的人生會截然不同;如果整件事情不是那麼悲痛,也許我這輩子雖然有憂鬱的傾向,卻不至於崩潰;或許我會晚點崩潰,等到中年危機時才發生」
- 開始接受精神分析(4-5年)
- 畫家葛哈.希特「我什麼都不知道,什麼都不會,什麼都不懂,什麼都不知道。完全無感。而這一切悽慘甚至沒有令我格外不開心」
- unipolar depression 和bipolar depression: [[https://anatomind.com/blog/bipolar-depression/][你的憂鬱有點嗨?]]
- 不出門的崩潰、無法洗澡、什麼都不想做、第一次服用藥物(31y/o)-> 22~31歲,9年(persistent depressive disorder -> MDD)
Emily Dickison

#+BEGIN_QUOTE
I felt a Funeral, in my Brain,
And Mourners to and fro
Kept treading—treading—till it seemed
That Sense was breaking through—


And when they all were seated,
A Service, like a Drum—
Kept beating—beating—till I thought
My Mind was going numb—


And then I heard them lift a Box
And creak across my Soul
With those same Boots of Lead, again,
Then Space—began to toll,


As if the Heavens were a Bell,
And Being, but an Ear,

And I, and Silence, some strange Race
Wrecked, solitary, here—


And then a Plank in Reason, broke,
And I dropped down, and down—

And hit a World, at every plunge,
And Finished knowing—then—
#+END_QUOTE

- cortisol和憂鬱的關係(CRF):
- Evidence of increased HPA activity is apparent in 20 to 40 percent of depressed outpatients and 40 to 60 percent of depressed inpatients.
- These tests of feedback inhibition are not used as a diagnostic test because adrenocortical hyperactivity (albeit usually less prevalent) is observed in mania, schizophrenia, dementia, and other psychiatric disorders.
- Approximately 5 to 1 0 percent of people evaluated for depression have previously undetected thyroid dysfunction


- 生命事件往往是憂鬱症的導火線
- 「崩潰不容易克服,也無法很快克服」
- 憂鬱和焦慮(with anxious feature)
- 「救了你的,常常是一些微不足道的小事而非大事。」
- 想要透過得到HIV的自我毀滅
- ECT的治療,容易失去短期記憶
- 33y/o在土耳其:「我已經有多年不曾感受到絲毫快樂,我已經忘了想要活下去、好好享受每一天並渴望另一天到來,以及知道自己是幸運兒,能充分活在當下享受人生……雖然我知道可能還有接連的痛苦在前方等待,憂鬱症總是周而復始、一再回頭折磨受害者。但我打從心底感到安全。我知道,恆久哀傷不會減少我分毫喜悅。」
- 長期服藥的好處、汽車逐步停用化油器。低劑量=汽車拿走一半的化油器。
- "大家都擔心終生服藥的副作用,但這麼做的副作用並不重,和不治療的危險比起來,顯得微不足道。"
- 第三次崩潰(手骨折):如果未來想要避免復發,就必須一直服藥。
- 空氣又硬又脆的讀書會現場。
- 我們之中有誰能堅持忍受自己的困境?到頭來,多數人都辦得到,我們會向前進。

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